Newspapers

How it all began...

When Drugstories was launched in 2005 and the book ‘An unusual conversation with lettuce. Memoirs of a traveller in drugland’ was published, it was all over the newspapers. I also gave interviews for Radio 2, Studio Brussel and even on Eén and Vijf TV. Below are a few articles (Klasse, Metro, De Morgen, Het Nieuwsblad, Belang van Limburg, Gazet van Antwerpen and Knack) that give a better insight into how it all began. Below you will find various newspaper articles with interviews with Luc.

De Standaard (24/4/18) - You wouldn't smoke a joint in front of your children, would you?

Luc Rombaut understands that a ban on alcohol in football canteens will meet with resistance. The club could have taken less drastic measures to curb unhealthy behaviour.

As a drug prevention worker in schools and organisations, I deal with discussions about alcohol and other drugs on a daily basis. Let me make two things clear. Alcohol and sport do not mix. And I don't believe that banning it is the solution.

Sporting Club Vilvoorde recently banned alcohol in the football canteen (DS 21 April). Undoubtedly well-intentioned, and whether or not religiously inspired. I can understand that many football fathers and mothers initially felt a sense of soumission. You touch a Belgian's beer, you touch his soul. That is not exactly conducive to living together. But SC Vilvoorde does have a point. Drinking alcohol after exercise is unhealthy. It is bad for your fitness, you are more likely to become dehydrated, develop a sugar deficiency and suffer injuries.

If you come to support as a parent and drink alcohol during or after the match, you are not exactly setting a healthy example for young people. In FC De Kampioenen, an archetypal pub team, the drinking is out of control. One tournée générale follows another and Xavier is the champion of drinking pints ad fundum.

To touch a Belgian's beer is to touch his soul. But the football club does have a point

This behaviour, which is undoubtedly aberrant to an outsider, is ‘normal’ to us. It is ‘our culture’. But surely you wouldn't smoke a joint in front of your children on a Sunday morning? There is a time to party and a time to accept your responsibilities.

War on alcohol

But that does not mean we should ban all alcohol in sports clubs and close all cafés. The prohibition of almost a hundred years ago in the US and the subsequent war on alcohol showed the painful consequences of such a ban: poor product quality (with deadly consequences), more violence, social problems and even more drugs.

So what is the alternative? Certainly not promoting drugs, as we have been doing for decades with alcohol and until recently with tobacco. Black and white thinking, polarising, one-liners... we are good at that because it is so simple. Those who are not with us are against us. ‘Drugs, not with us’ was once a political slogan. As if there were parties that wanted to promote drugs.

Metaforum (a working group of the Catholic University of Leuven) recently published a fascinating report in which twenty specialists from various disciplines share their vision on how to move forward with our failing cannabis policy. An absolute must-read for any politician or policy maker who wants to talk about it rationally and meaningfully. Debates about alcohol and other drugs are unfortunately still conducted on the basis of emotions and moral dogmas (even by historians).

Many people would have us believe that we only have two choices when it comes to drugs: either prohibit (cannabis) or promote (alcohol). Both lead to serious social and health problems. In one case, criminal organisations will take over, in the other commercial companies. Not exactly the best way to gain control over an unhealthy, but fundamentally human need to get drunk from time to time.

Not an anti-alcohol fanatic

What could the board of this otherwise excellent football team have done better? Between a ban and promotion, there is a sea of other possibilities to curb unhealthy behaviour. Some examples: no alcohol before or after a certain time, greatly limiting the selection of alcoholic beverages, removing all alcohol advertising and promotions from the canteen, enforcing the European minimum age (18 instead of 16), banning alcohol outside the canteen, raising prices, organising information sessions about the impact of alcohol on athletic performance and clearly communicating the alcohol policy. I would advise all sports clubs to consider whether they want to apply these measures.

Before you dismiss me as an anti-alcohol zealot, I too love beer and believe we should enjoy life. When I discuss the pros and cons of cannabis legalisation with young people, they invariably tell me that it is the ban itself that encourages them to experiment. Before you dismiss me as a pro-cannabis fanatic, I am neither for nor against drugs. Drugs have been around for all times and all cultures. It is the government's job (and also that of local sports clubs) to set a good example, but without wagging fingers.

Klasse (1/9/2004)

‘Drugstories’, a new drug prevention project for secondary school pupils, is an interactive PowerPoint presentation (with music and film clips) with which teacher and expert Luc Rombaut gets your pupils to think about how to deal responsibly with (il)legal drugs. Using recognisable stories and his own experiences, he highlights both sides of the drug coin, the pleasant and the less pleasant effects and consequences.

Metro (25/4/05)

‘I already wanted to be an astronaut when I was eleven’, author Luc Rombaut admits in one of the last chapters of “An Unusual Conversation with Lettuce”. Even then he wanted to explore new universes: the human mind, other languages, foreign cultures, Eastern philosophy, mysticism, conceptual art. He travelled the world, but Rombaut also floated to other worlds and tripped along unworldly spaces. In his book, he takes the reader on his journey through drug country. He not only talks about his experiences with everyday drugs such as cannabis or ecstasy, but also about his mind-enriching experiments in Latin America and Asia. With this book, Rombaut, teacher and hands-on expert, also wants to bridge the gap between parent and child. He alternates the smoothly written stories with lists and information about legal and illegal drugs, gives the reader insight into the effects of certain drugs and guides him through the grey area between addiction and enjoyment.

De Morgen (16/4/05) - ‘Drugs give you heaven and hell’

From nuclear bombs of self-confidence, partygoers with webbed feet and conversations with vegetables to anxious nights in the emergency room, Luc Rombaut (38) has explored just about every corner of the world of drugs. He now works in drug prevention. In An Unusual Conversation with Lettuce, he describes the fun, the kicks and the paranoid fears and dangers that drugs bring, peppered with objective information about all kinds of stuff. ‘Drugs give you heaven and hell. Showing both sides of the coin is essential.’

The video plays Dumbo for the four-year-old daughter. ‘What kind of stuff do you think they were on in the Disney studios?’ Luc Rombaut wonders. The scene in which the main characters tumble into a glass of champagne ends in a cartoon version of a real trip, as dad Luc knows. ‘Those pink elephants, those colours and shapes that blend into each other, that's, um, very realistic,’ he grins. Like that time when he saw giant numbers and letters in the most fantastic colours dancing up and down after a few firm pulls on a joint. Or when he had consumed a few mushrooms at a party and ‘noticed’ that the hostess was slowly turning into a witch.

Is there a type of drug that you have not tried?

Rombaut: ‘Heroin. I did not like the idea of using a needle. There are also many designer drugs that I have not come across. That was how it was for me. Something would happen at a party and then I would want to try it. My motivation was usually curiosity, but I did not actively seek it out. I have never been seriously addicted either, except to cigarettes. I smoked my first joint when I was eighteen and I was in my twenties and already working when I was involved with the rest. Drugs are not just dangerous or harmless. It depends on what and how much you take, but especially on who you are, what your motivations are and what your social environment is like. For me, it was never an escape. I just wanted to have fun and didn't have any significant problems or voids in my life. I had a goal and those drugs were just a bit of fun on the side. Those who use drugs to give meaning to their lives or to forget their problems are often easy prey. If a drug becomes your best friend or your lover, there was a vacancy there.’

You describe hilarious situations, but your experiences are also full of fear and paranoia. Is it a coincidence that you have escaped the worst time and time again?

‘I have been lucky, yes. I wouldn't dare take the chemical drugs I did. Because you don't know what you're taking, it's like playing Russian roulette. But then again, XTC does give you that fantastic feeling that everyone is your friend. And during my cocaine period, we all felt like supermen. Maybe I was lucky that I am curious, but I also hate the feeling of being dependent. When I realised I couldn't live without something, I cut down. However, as soon as I had proven to myself that I could control it, I would sometimes start again and ‘forget’ my resolution to stop using something. That resolution did indeed often arise after anxiety attacks that the drugs gave me. Drugs bring out the best and the worst in you. And as you can read, I have also been scared to death. The worst experience was the night in the emergency room with my girlfriend, after half a bottle of wine and a joint. She was in a bad way. In the hospital they thought I had given her LSD.’

‘Flight is better than captivity,’ says writer Hafid Bouazza. Can drugs also be a path to self-knowledge?

‘Sometimes. Look, many people take drugs to run away from their problems. Thanks to that experience in Peru, I have discovered that with certain consciousness-altering drugs you can also turn your life around, stop running away, turn around and look at your problem with a different perspective. That can be liberating. These plants can teach you a lot about yourself. However, it only works if you know exactly why you are doing it and if you are supervised by experts. You open a window to your subconscious. You can have ecstatic experiences, feel cosmic love and, like me, suddenly recite the most beautiful poems in foreign languages. But the worst can also come to the surface.’

You have been working in drug prevention for a year now and this book is a prevention book. But what do you say to a young person who also wants to experience what you experienced?

‘I never say ‘do’ or ‘don't’. It is confusing for young people to hear from adults ‘stay away’ and from friends ‘it's cool’. That is why I wrote this book. It is essential for anyone who has to deal with it to know both sides of the coin. The safest way, I warn, is to keep your hands off it. But it is pointless to simply deny the urge to get high. A quarter of young people experiment and I want to give them guidance and point out the pitfalls. Some publishers were afraid that I would use this book to promote drugs. However, it is full of objective information and warnings. I am not saying that you have to be an expert by experience to do drug prevention, but if you know what you are talking about, young people will accept more from you, I notice that in the presentations I give. They also lack knowledge. They would never tell their friends that a pill made them vomit. What I do want is for them to ask themselves why they take drugs, who they are and I want to point out the dangers. One of these is that a drug makes you feel like you are gaining intense self-knowledge, while in fact it is an escape. I also point out to them that it is simply illegal. And I mention the many alternatives that are available to expand your consciousness or to feel happy.’

Do you still use anything yourself?

‘No, I don't even use cannabis anymore, even though I was using it in a meaningful way. Whenever I had a question or a problem, I would meditate and calmly and consciously observe what came to me after a few puffs. But in the end I discovered that I really like the alternatives. You can get a natural high and insight in so many ways. With yoga, meditation, bungee jumping. Look at marathon runners, they get high on endorphins after a while. And a karate session gives me a better boost than the best line of coke I've ever sniffed. You have to put in a bit more effort, it's less instant but just as intense and above all less dangerous." Barbara Debusschere

Het Nieuwsblad (19/6/05) - ‘It's only cannabis’

‘The history teacher asked us: if I want a bag of weed by tomorrow, who can get it for me? Everyone in the class raised their hand.’ At the school gate in Bornem, they are not surprised by the new drug figures that show that almost half of all sixteen-year-olds have used cannabis at least once. A number of schools do not deny this and have a real drug prevention policy.

The fifth-year pupils at the Onze Lieve Vrouw Presentatie school in Bornem are leaving the school one by one and gathering in the church square to chat about their exams. They are smoking cigarettes. They do not have any weed with them today. It is exam time after all. ‘Although the only maths exam I passed this year was when I had snorted in advance,’ says Simon.

They are not surprised by the figures released this week by the De Sleutel drug centre: 45 percent of 16- and 17-year-olds have smoked a joint at some point in their lives. One fifth of the young people call themselves regular users. The seventeen pupils on the church square have all smoked a joint at some time. Half of them do it at least once a week. ‘Yes, but we tend to seek each other out, you know. Joints are social drugs that you usually use in a group. That creates a bond. There are a lot of pupils in our class who have never done it.’

‘I went to a school where it was much worse. They were just choking in the toilets. We follow the rules and only do it outside the school gates. We keep the school and cannabis strictly separate.’ The pupils' impressions are borne out by the school's figures. “An extensive survey by the VAD (Flemish Association for Drug Prevention) showed that 25 percent of our pupils had used drugs at least once,” says teacher Freddy Hertog, who is responsible for the school's drug prevention policy. ’But I prefer to put it in positive terms: 75 percent had never used drugs. That was better than the rest of Flanders. In other schools, an average of 68 percent had never used drugs.

What is the school's secret? ‘We start with prevention in the first years,’ says Hertog. ‘It is important to start prevention very early.’ Luc Rombaut agrees. He is involved in drug prevention and, as an ‘experienced expert’, has published the book ‘An Unusual Conversation with Lettuce’, in which he describes his own experiences with drugs. ‘The younger you start, the greater the chance of a later addiction.’ The fifth-year students from Bornem who occasionally smoke a joint started doing so on average a year and a half ago. ‘I was fourteen when I had already been offered a joint a few times. But I always refused, I thought I was a bit too young. Until one day I was sitting with my cousin. I trusted him completely and so I gave it a try. Now I smoke an average of one a day. But I share them with two or three friends, so it's not that many.‘’

Simon started earlier. ‘I was twelve. It was the first day of my first year of secondary school (at a different school). I was standing at the station and got talking to a girl. She had a boyfriend who was a few years older. He was the first person to give me a joint.’ Although Simon does not feel addicted, Rombaut's theory seems to be correct, because he smokes the most by far. “Three a day on average,” he says. ’Yesterday it was six. I was getting a bit bored…’

Remarkably, the fifth-year students are a little worried about the third-year students. ‘It's striking how many fourteen-year-olds are involved,’ says Anna. ‘They just think it's cool and edgy to tag along with the rest.’ Anna hits the nail on the head. ‘Many young people start doing it under social pressure,’ says Rombaut. ‘That is why it is very important to work on social skills from an early age: standing up for your own opinion, respect for yourself, assertiveness, ...’ In Bornem they are working on this. ‘For years we have been giving the youngest pupils life skills in which we teach these abilities. It's all about creating a school climate in which pupils find it cool to say no.’

All this talk about weed has made Simon feel like having a joint. Nobody has anything with them and it is a bit far to get home, where he has his own cannabis plant. But he does know someone. He borrows a moped and five minutes later he is back with a bag. ‘There is no dealing at school,’ says Anna. ‘But you know exactly who to buy from. It's really not difficult to get hold of drugs. ‘Everyone can get hold of weed,’ says Simon, rolling his joint. ‘The other day we had a lesson about the history of herbs and spices. Then the teacher asked, “If I wanted a bag of weed on my desk tomorrow, who could get it for me?” Everyone put their finger up...’

‘It's simply part of our culture,’ says Anna. ’Grown-ups have a beer when they go out, we smoke a joint. Cannabis is actually a better drug than alcohol. It's much more social because you smoke in a group. It doesn't make you aggressive, it just makes you think more deeply with your friends. And you don't have a hangover afterwards.’

‘Smoking cannabis is indeed part of a new kind of culture. The problem is that young people have no ‘role models’. They only have their friends to look up to. Everyone has grown up with alcohol. Young and old alike know that something is wrong if you need a glass of alcohol in the morning to get through the day. But some young people think it's normal to smoke a joint in the morning. It's not. That indicates an underlying problem. But I wouldn't worry too much if your child smokes a joint on a Friday night...‘’

Simon plans to quit after the exams. ‘Although it won't be easy. I sleep badly and need one to fall asleep.’ Ben also admits that he occasionally needs his joint. ’I have some concentration problems. I study better after smoking one.’ That is nonsense, according to Rombaut. ‘You don't study better with cannabis. We need to make it clear to young people that there are healthy alternatives that make you feel good: sports, yoga...’ That is also the policy that the Onze Lieve Vrouw Presentatie in Bornem is trying to implement. ‘We make sure that there are enough things to do at school during lunchtime: sports, all kinds of activities... That way the kids won't get bored and they'll stay off the street. But we also teach them that there are alternatives outside of school that they can choose from. We don't point fingers, that's pointless. Instead, we teach them how to make wise choices.‘’

Simon lights his joint. ‘I would never dare to do that right in front of the school gate,’ says Anna. Others are more confident. ‘Those teachers don't know anything about this. Sometimes they just cycle past when we smoke a joint and they don't even notice. Well, you can smell it, can't you...’ Hertog realises that he and the other teachers do indeed lack experience. That is why they let Luc Rombaut, the ‘hands-on expert’, talk to the students. ‘That was cool,’ the students thought. ‘At least he knows what he's talking about. At least he admits that smoking a joint can be fun. But he also pointed out the long-term disadvantages. And there certainly are some,’ Anna admits.

And then the stories come up. ‘I see some friends that I've known since kindergarten change a lot. They also don't do well in school anymore. But then again, they also smoke too much.’ Or, ‘A friend of mine had cannabis poisoning. He had smoked way too much.’ Or, ‘Once I thought I was really cramming really well and was very clear. But then I wanted to call my sister and I couldn't remember her name.’

Anna realises very well that she mustn't overdo it. ’If I feel that I have smoked too much, I stop for a few weeks. I will never take hard drugs either. School has made that clear to me. There is a big difference. This is just cannabis, it is not really a drug.‘’ None of the young people on the church square have ever taken hard drugs. ‘I am against medication,’ Simon says resolutely. ‘I don't even take aspirin, let alone take drugs.’

Arrested three times already

Simon hastily hides his joint. A van drives by in the distance. ‘I've been arrested three times,’ he admits. ‘The cops are very strict here. They once held a raid in the schoolyard. Everyone had to empty their pockets. We were able to hide quickly,’ he says. ‘It's stupid that cannabis is still not legal. Although, it might take some of the fun out of it.‘’ Anna does not agree. ‘’I hear from friends who have been arrested that they were forced to inform on people. I wouldn't want to experience that. They should focus on real drugs for a change. I think it's really hypocritical. Smoking cigarettes is allowed and smoking joints isn't. Cigarettes are much worse, though.‘’

Fourteen of the seventeen are smoking cigarettes. ‘I wish I had never started smoking cigarettes,’ says Anna. ‘I'm really addicted to them. I used to get by with one pack every three days. Now it's hardly ever two. I get difficult when I don't have any cigarettes. If I don't have any weed for two weeks, it's no problem. You know, there are so many teachers who smoke. You should go into the staff room sometime, it stinks to high heaven in there. It's not a very good example to set. Yet many pupils have been punished for smoking a cigarette. It's not very consistent. A friend of mine was caught outside the school gates and her parents were informed immediately.

The young people feel that teachers should not interfere in life outside the school gates. It is their life. ‘Although,’ says one, ‘those teachers also have their responsibilities. They don't really know how to deal with it. Just like many of our parents.’

Half of them have told their parents at home. Luc Rombaut is pleasantly surprised by that figure. ‘It is very important that parents are informed. But then the question is how they react to it. The worst thing you can do is forbid it and threaten punishment. That has the opposite effect. You have to get your children to talk about it, so that they tell if things are threatening to go wrong. It is difficult to stop some young people from experimenting. You just have to make it clear to them that there is a difference between use and abuse. That too has to do with social skills that can be taught from an early age. It is better if a child realises for himself that he has been watching too much TV than if you as a parent have to take the remote control away and hide it.‘’

Anna is glad that her parents are aware of the situation. ‘They don't like it. But I know I can turn to them if I ever become addicted.’ Emma even smokes in the garden with her friends. ‘My father then comes and sits with us to smoke his cigarette. He's not exactly thrilled about it, but it does keep an eye on us.’ Wendy HUYGHE

Belang van Limburg (7/5/05) and Gazet van Antwerpen - ‘Sometimes it's fun, but just stay away’

Teacher and expert by experience Luc Rombaut writes a candid and balanced book about drug use

‘Don't ask me how it happens, but somehow I manage to make contact with the queen ant. I urge her to respect my territory. She reminds me that I have always teased and killed ants for no reason since I was a child. We make a deal. She promises to withdraw her army on the condition that I no longer commit random acts of violence against the ant colony. I agree. (...) A few hours later, most of the ants have retreated.’

This is how Luc Rombaut reports a curious encounter he had with ants in his hut in Peru while he was in a daze from ayahuasca, a mind-expanding substance made from a vine. Elsewhere he talks about a conversation he had with heads of lettuce after he had consumed a psychoactive cactus.

‘I realise that this must seem incredibly crazy and ridiculous, but I ask the lettuce plants if they don't mind just growing there to be eaten.’ To his surprise, the lettuce plants reply that they actually like it when their life energy is transferred to people.

These are two excerpts from the book Een ongewoon gesprek met sla (An unusual conversation with lettuce) by Luc Rombaut (38) from Sint-Niklaas. Contrary to what the above anecdotes might suggest, Luc Rombaut is not an unworldly hippie. He has a degree in Romance languages, he has had a career in the advertising and marketing sector and he teaches Romance languages part-time in Sint-Niklaas. In his spare time, he gives presentations on drug prevention in schools throughout Flanders.

Luc Rombaut can draw on his own experiences. In addition to his mind-expanding adventures in Peru, which he passed through on a trip around the world with his girlfriend, he sampled cannabis, alcohol, ecstasy, magic mushrooms and cocaine in his carefree student and advertising years. He has now written a book about it with the subtitle ‘Memoirs of a traveller in drugland’. It offers a lot of useful information and warnings about what drugs can do to your body and mind.

How did a former ‘advertising boy’ end up in drug prevention?

Luc Rombaut: After my studies, I first started working at a large advertising agency and then at a French-language TV station. I did relationship marketing there: good money, a company car, lots of parties and business lunches, beautiful women... But I still wasn't satisfied. I was looking for something deeper, something more than just ‘money, money, money’. So my girlfriend and I decided to drop everything we had and set off on a year-long trip around the world.

Would I recommend it?

It was the best year of my life: that total freedom of getting up in the morning and not knowing where you will end up at night! After that trip, I started working for a development organisation, but to my surprise, it was even more cut-throat and business-like than the advertising sector. I then had a wonderful time at Oxfam Wereldwinkels. They were not yet anywhere in the field of marketing and I was able to develop this completely together with a colleague. I left after an internal shift that made working there difficult for me. To reflect on my future, I travelled to Peru again, for a two-week seminar on personal growth using, among other things, the mind-expanding drug ayahuasca. It is a radical experience that changes your life, but you have to do it with proper supervision. Afterwards I knew I wanted to do something with young people and drug prevention.

In your book you alternate factual information about drugs with anecdotes and warnings. How did you come up with that structure?

In my first version, I only included my own short stories about my experiences with drugs. The publisher was afraid it could be interpreted as a plea for drugs, which was absolutely not the intention. That is why I added the product information with a clear statement of the risks, so there can be no discussion about the message.

What is that message?

First of all, I wanted to remove drugs from the realm of taboo. Too often you see that parents, for example, are unwilling or unable to talk about it with their children, or they do it in a purely repressive way. And you often notice that users know little about the different types of drugs and their dangers and effects. This book provides guidance for anyone who has to deal with drugs. By the way, I also include alcohol in the drugs category, even though it is socially accepted.

The anecdotes often end badly: bad trips, paranoia, medical problems, embarrassing situations. Did you consciously select these negative experiences or is it always that bad?

(laughs) It can also be fun, I have had some great times and enjoyed wild parties with drugs and I talk about those too. But I want to highlight both sides. Take the time that a friend had to be taken away in an ambulance, which luckily ended well: I felt bad about that for months.

What advice would you give first if someone says they use drugs or is considering doing so?

Above all, you shouldn't do it to escape or to avoid problems. Those problems will remain and the risk of addiction is very high. Addiction is always lurking around the corner. I have used cocaine about ten times. At a certain point, I felt that I no longer had full control over my use and I stopped immediately.

You have now given drug prevention sessions in fifty schools. What is the situation with regard to drug use among young people?

It varies quite a bit. You will find more users among young people who go to dance clubs every weekend. In the classes I have been to, on average about five percent regularly use drugs, especially cannabis. In any case, I want to make it clear that minors are better off staying away from drugs.

What kind of questions do young people ask?

Sometimes they ask how much the stuff costs or where you can find it (laughs). They also sometimes want to know if I use drugs myself. And recently one of them asked how sex and drugs go together.

How do they go together?

Well, drugs affect both your feelings and your body, so that makes a difference. You can have a special experience with them, or it could also be the last time you sleep with that person. It is quite possible that you will wake up with a severe hangover, that you have said things that you regret. It is risky anyway, you can't just separate sex and feelings.

Final question: you have a four-year-old daughter. What would you say if she came home with a joint in ten years' time?

I would be shocked. It would be a positive sign if she didn't do it in secret. And I would talk to her about it, ask her why she does it, how it makes her feel, where and with whom she smokes. I wouldn't ban it outright, no. With adolescents, it has the opposite effect.

Dirk HENDRIKX

Knack 17/8/05 - Drugs on your roof

One in four young people experiment with drugs. Sometimes with sad consequences, sometimes not. As a parent, can you help tip the balance in one direction? How to help prevent the bad trip? Or, also that, how to survive it?

On the cupboard is a photo of a radiant, beautiful and confident young girl. Her name is Iris, she is 23, lives with her boyfriend and has just successfully completed her first year at university. ‘You said it,’ Myriam nods. ‘My daughter is radiant. As a girl of her age should be. How long have I waited for that. How I hated that dull, dead look in my daughter's eyes. And what pain, every time I saw her peers who were actually building their lives.

After all, the warm-hearted picture on the cupboard was once very different. Barely two years ago, Iris weighed forty kilos, survived on heroin and was trapped in the vicious circle of stealing and cheating to pay for her addiction. Barely two years ago, and yet Myriam recounts the darkest chapters of her life with a remarkably steady voice. ‘Yes, I am a tough one,’ she smiles. ‘That's what happens when life hasn't always been a walk in the park for you. But bitter? No, I'm not. On the contrary. My daughter is back. Now I am mostly grateful.’ She's not lying. Myriam tells her story calmly, with control and a brave sense of nuance. There is no ‘it's all the government's fault’ slip-up, no anger, no sarcasm, no lamentation. ‘Sometimes they ask me: what if it all started again tomorrow? Would you do it all again? Yes, I think I would.’ And then, face to face with the labrador at her feet: ‘But I know, I feel that it will not start again. I feel my daughter well enough to know that. Iris is back.’

‘How did it start? With a few joints when she was sixteen. I knew when she had smoked them because of those endless fits of giggling. It worried me from the start. Iris was always a risk-taker: she always liked to walk on the edge. Looking for risks and, above all, thinking she could handle everything on her own. And the feared happened: she ended up with the wrong friends, fell in love with a boy who was heavily addicted, and there I was, unable to stop her. She felt called to save him, moved in with him, quit her secondary education and started smoking heroin herself from the age of eighteen. She told me all of this. Veiled, if you will. ‘Mum, I've been stupid. But don't worry. I've got it under control.’ She's always been like that: ‘I've got everything under control, I'm not addicted, it's not a problem.’ The worst thing was that he also hit her. Sometimes so badly that she couldn't get out of bed for the first hour, she told me only recently. We moved her to a different location a few times, without him knowing. But each time he found her. Or worse, she sought him out: he was also her dealer, you know. He also beat me up once. Here in my house, when he broke in to find her address.’

‘When it was finally over between the two of them, she fell in love with a drug addict again. The good thing was that he didn't beat her. That was something. During that period, I sometimes didn't see her for months. Was she in the country? I shuddered at the question of what she did to get money to pay for her addiction. Surely not prostitution? Was she even still alive? It was then that I learnt to live with the thought that we might not make it. I am a nurse, and once, after not having seen her for months, she was brought to us in the emergency room. Malnourished, her body covered in insect bites, totally neglected. Her boyfriend smuggled drugs into the hospital, she was unmanageable, completely out of control. She also started stealing from me and cheating me. Iris was no longer the same. And that is what I found the worst: I no longer recognised my own child. I even filed a complaint against her. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. But I had to set boundaries with her. It was destroying me. And then I would have been unable to do anything for her at all.’

‘Later, on a cold November day, she was arrested in a raid in Borgerhout. In hindsight, it was the best thing that could have happened to her. After a month and a half, she was allowed to leave prison on the condition that she get treatment, resume her studies and allow a probation officer to monitor her. She has complied with the three requirements, including obtaining her secondary school diploma via a central jury. Afterwards, she relapsed slightly a few times, but always stopped in time. When she wanted to start university, she finally decided to kick the habit for good with the help of methadone. Successfully. She has now almost completely reduced the dose.’

‘Of course I also hold my own hands up to all of this. Iris never had it easy. I am a single parent. As a child she moved between me, her father, who was a heavy alcohol addict, and her grandparents. When she was fifteen, I suffered a very deep depression and that also had an effect on Iris. Of course, at first I was consumed by guilt. But I always did my best. And social workers emphasised to me that this could never be the only cause of Iris's addiction. Moreover, the bond with Iris was always very close. So close that it survived those terrible years. Were there moments when I doubted whether I loved her? Almost. Sometimes I thought, take her away from me. Make this suffering stop. But love endures.’

‘To other parents I say: try to respect the limits of what you can handle. I have also made that clear to Iris. It has nothing to do with whether you like your child or not, but there are limits. And your child must also learn to deal with those limits. Otherwise you will be destroyed. I also had to realise that in the end it was her problem: she had to kick the habit, not me. I always thought: what can I do, but in the end she had to take responsibility. Also, as a parent, seek help: get support from social workers, go to parent groups to talk about it. That helped me tremendously: feeling like you are not the only one. It pulls you out of your isolation. It takes the pressure off your heart. It helps you breathe.’

She pauses for a moment and then adds softly: ‘And if I may give one more piece of advice: as a parent, always leave the door a crack. Even if your child has deeply hurt you. Don't be afraid to take whatever action you feel is necessary, but let them know that they will never lose your love. That is what has kept Iris going, she told me recently. The love of their parents, no matter how far they may have strayed: children will always crave it. If they think they have lost it forever, they are lost.’ Or as Johan Anthierens, himself once the father of a drug-addicted son, put it: ‘You have to love your daughter and your son. Always, always, always.’

The parent groups Myriam is talking about are organised by the Ghent Centre for Alcohol and other Drug Addictions, or CAT for short. One of the three departments, the CAT Prevention Centre, focuses on counselling the drug user's environment, usually the parents. And there is a demand for this. This is also evident from figures from the Druglijn (Drug Helpline): 30 percent of the calls come from parents, and another 20 percent are related to an addict, such as brothers or sisters or close friends.

‘Parents often come to us in a state of panic with something they have found in their children's rooms,’ says Tomas Van Reybrouck, psychologist and parent counsellor at the CAT. “Like this.” He shows us a piece of tarnished aluminium foil, carefully preserved in a plastic sleeve. ‘Usually it's about first and foremost calming the parents down. They are often extremely shocked, angry and disillusioned. I advise parents to first vent their emotions and only then talk to their child. Otherwise you can say things that are too harsh and blow bridges. Try to talk objectively about what you have found or noticed, without judging and without interpreting. An open conversation often helps to reconcile the two sides and the parent's anxiety has largely subsided. Just as often, such a conversation does not work. We then help the parents find a good approach. We try to tailor our approach to each individual, together with the parents. Every child and every home situation is different.’

What Van Reybrouck says he is surprised by is the shame with which parents still struggle. Shame and guilt, because the problematic drug use of a son or daughter is often interpreted as the inevitable consequence of a bad upbringing. ‘I want to emphasise this very strongly,’ says Van Reybrouck. ’The blame for a child's addiction does not automatically lie with the parents. They do have influence, but for the adolescent there are so many more spheres of influence than the parents. The circle of friends often plays a more important role. Moreover, drugs are omnipresent. As a parent, you no longer have everything under control. Although I do believe that an open relationship with your children can help, at the very least, to discuss the issue calmly. Those who are not used to talking to their children will obviously not be able to have a heart-to-heart about drugs.’

The CAT Prevention Centre counsels parents through individual and group sessions, either separately or in combination. Some find the latter threatening, while others, like Myriam, draw strength from it. What is important in any case, says Van Reybrouck, is that the parents themselves are also helped, and that not all the help is focused on the son or daughter. ‘How can the parent remain a viable part of the family? That question is just as important. They are dying of worry and their self-confidence has been damaged. Often they are completely worn out. It is like the oxygen masks on an aeroplane: if there is a problem, it is recommended that the parent puts on the mask first and then helps their child. It's the same here. They can only help if they are functioning properly themselves. And finally: as a parent, don't forget the other children and your partner. Don't let your child's problems absorb all your attention. Cherish the happiness of others and draw strength from it.’

Fortunately, the experiments of your beloved son or daughter usually do not end in a gruelling nightmare for child and parent. This is emphasised by Luc Rombaut, drug prevention worker and author of the recently published book. An unusual conversation with lettuce, memoirs of a traveller in drugland. And he is entitled to emphasise this, because he provides the proof himself: the man has four degrees to his name, is perfectly healthy and happy, and yet has explored just about every corner of the drug universe. As a child, Rombaut wanted to be an astronaut. Unfortunately, he did not like maths, so he became a psychonaut, a term for a drug user that he describes in his book as follows: ‘A spaceman of the mind, someone who very consciously uses mind-expanding substances at certain moments to fathom himself and reality.’

‘Yes, I'm quite a curious guy,’ he smiles. “That was the main reason why I experimented with drugs. And that seems to be the case with many young people.” And experiment he did. He only stayed away from LSD and heroin. ’LSD because the right opportunity never presented itself. Heroin because, next to nicotine, it is the most addictive drug and it quickly starts to determine your life: you get sick if you don't take the drug for a day. Too dangerous, I knew.’ He describes his experiences with all the other drugs in a series of short stories that he intersperses in his book with objective, mostly cautionary drug information. The stories are sometimes funny and hilarious (how he had an in-depth conversation with a slaveld under the influence), at other times quite exciting (indefinable, acute nausea after one puff of a mysterious joint in Morocco), but just as often grey and sad (the bad trip of an ex-girlfriend when she combined alcohol with cannabis). Rombaut is a seasoned professional, and therefore a credible drug prevention worker. He talks about pills, magic mushrooms, shit, stuff, being as smooth as an egg and high as a kite, and he has a remarkable talent for using metaphors.

‘I thought it was important to use the book to highlight both sides of the coin: the bad, but also the good characteristics of drugs. After all, drugs are stimulants: they can make you feel good. If we, as parents or teachers, only say: ‘drugs are bad, stay away from them’, young people will not believe us and will hardly listen. Because their friend has just told them how fantastic that joint is. If we honestly tell them that drugs can indeed make you feel good, they will also trust us when we say: be careful, it can be dangerous. If a parent tells their child that they will kick them out if they are caught using drugs, it rarely stops them from experimenting. What's more, they will never come to you if there are any problems. And that is the last thing a parent wants, isn't it? If you suspect something and you want to talk about it, emphasise your concern. ‘I love you, I notice that you have been behaving differently lately, and I am worried.’ That has much more effect than judging and attacking.’

Furthermore, Rombaut emphasises that parents need not immediately fear the worst with that first joint. ‘There is a difference between use and abuse. Whether or not drugs can be dangerous depends on many factors. It depends on the drug itself (a joint is different from a shot of heroin), how much and when they are used (Monday morning is more alarming than Friday night) and especially on the motivations of the user: it should never be an escape. In people who have no significant problems and feel good about themselves, such an experiment rarely causes a problem. However, in people who need drugs to give meaning to their lives, to escape problems, it can end badly. But then parents and social workers should not focus solely on the drugs, but also on the deeper wounds. Because that is where it starts.’

The idea that as a parent you bear all the responsibility and have everything under control is a misconception that Rombaut is also quick to debunk. ‘As a parent, you do have an exemplary role: if you take sleeping pills or reach for the bottle at the slightest problem, then you are not exactly setting a good example for your child. It is also important to be close to your children and show an interest in their world. When your child returns from a festival, ask them how it was. Which groups they saw and if they liked them. If you are used to doing this, it is a small step to also ask: ‘Was there a lot of weed smoked?’ Then it does not sound like a control question. Although I know that talking is not always easy with an adolescent. An adolescent is not exactly the most ‘open’ being (laughs). But try anyway. Find a way to communicate that will reach your child and teach them to think critically. That is all you can do. And no, of course you do not have everything under control. It is like trying to throw a ball in a basketball hoop: you aim, but an unforeseen gust of wind can send it elsewhere. Aiming as best you can is the only thing you can do." Guinevere Claes